Raising Elite Competitors

How To Not Blow Your Kid's Chance At Playing In College - Do's and Don'ts Of Helping Her Get To The Next Level w/ Diane Flick-Williams

January 10, 2023 Coach Bre Season 1 Episode 114
Raising Elite Competitors
How To Not Blow Your Kid's Chance At Playing In College - Do's and Don'ts Of Helping Her Get To The Next Level w/ Diane Flick-Williams
Show Notes Transcript

If you're a mom whose daughter has her sights on playing in college, then our latest podcast is set up for you. Our special guest, Head Coach Diane Flick-Williams is my former coach and the head volleyball coach at Western Washington University.

She's also a mom to a multi-sport athlete who is a junior in high school. And she's in her 21st year directing the Western volleyball program. Diane is the most successful coach in program history, both in terms of wins and winning percentage. She owns the all-time head coaching record and she has guided the team to 15 seasons of 20 or more victories, 14 NCAA postseason appearances, and 10 GNAC conference championships. She has received the GNAC coach of the year honors 10 times now.

She has been influencing me for years. And honestly, I would not be doing the work that I am doing now, serving female athletes, if it weren't for her. 

Here are some of Diane’s tangible tips and insights as a mom and as a coach to help your daughter get to the next level in her sport!

To prepare your daughter, you need to know the following:

#1. Does she have enough skills to play the sport she's passionate about?

#2. Does she have enough interpersonal skills to connect with the team or the people around her?

#3. What does she want to learn more about or improve in her sports journey?

A female athlete who's self-aware and self-reflective in a positive way can go a long way in her sport. Being self-aware and self-reflective will help the learning and developing process become easier. It's the kind of attitude and mindset that doesn't shy away from pressure, but rather ready enough to face it. 

Allowing them to learn these skills is more important than trying to fix every obstacle in their way. 

Even when you're a coach, a good supporter will always be a parent who lets their kids speak for themselves and advocate for their decisions. You can ask them how they feel, and what kind of support they need from you. 

As a mom, our role in this sports journey is to support, guide, and give opportunities for our daughters to experience growth.

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Welcome back to the racing on top of all girl athletes podcast. I'm your host coach Bree an elite competitor coach for female athletes. And I am so excited that you're here, whether you are a seasoned sports mom, and you've got lots of seasons under your belt, or you're just starting out on this journey. You're not really sure. You know what you should be doing to help develop confidence in your daughter. You are in the right place. This podcast is for you to help build confidence in your athlete daughter so that she can play to her potential. And so that you know how to best support her in this whole. Amazing journey of athletics. Now, I am especially excited about today's episode because I am interviewing. Head coach Diane flick Williams. She's the head volleyball coach at Western Washington university. She's actually my former coach. So it made this episode really special for me. Now, Diane is in her 21st year directing the Western volleyball program. She's actually the most successful coach in program history, both in terms of wins. And winning percentage. She owns the all time head coaching record and she has guided the team to 15 seasons of 20 or more victories, 14 NCAA post-season appearances and 10 GNAC conference championships she has received, GNAC coach of the year honors 10 times now. Diane's accolades, speak for themselves. However, speaking as a former player of hers, which she has built at Western. Has been influencing me for years and years after I've graduated immune spin. Almost over a decade since I've graduated. Honestly, I would not be doing the work that I am doing now. Serving female athletes. If it weren't for her. I will be forever grateful for her taking a chance on me and giving me the opportunity to play in her program. And for what I considered to be the best coaches in the country. Now what is also really cool about Diane is that she's also a mom to a multi-sport athlete who is a junior in high school. And so we get to hear from Dan all about what she looks for in athletes and the recruiting process when she recruits athletes to her amazing program. So she's going to give some really tangible tips about what your athlete can be doing now to put her in a best position to play at the next level. But also we're going to hear from her perspective as a mom of an athlete who was going through the recruiting process right now, Also what's really awesome is that diane is the coach of her daughter's team so i've heard from a lot of you that are coaches of your daughter's team and you're talking about how this is a really you know it's a tricky line to walk and diana is going to give you some really great tangible advice about how you can balance both of those so i hope you enjoy this special episode with head coach dan foot lamps.

Breanne:

All right. Welcome Diane to the podcast. Thank you for coming on.

Diane:

Oh, I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having.

Breanne:

Yes, honestly, this is, this is like a full circle moment for me, and I just really appreciate you not only coming on the podcast, but just, I don't know how much you have. I honestly would not be doing what I do for work for you and Oh,

Diane:

opportunity. I know a humbling comment to have because I am really excited about what you're doing and the effect you're having on others, and that's why I'm so excited that I get to bring it to the teams I'm coaching too, because it's so important.

Breanne:

Yeah. Oh, thank you. And honestly, I don't think that you ever stop. For me personally as a player going through your program, like stop learning from Western volleyball. And that has been my journey. Like I graduated, I, not to age ourselves, but a while ago, like I don't know, like 12 years ago or something like that. And I still uhhuh. Mm-hmm. I still feel so connected to your program and am still learning so. thank you.

Diane:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think I'm always learning too. Like you just can't stop.

Breanne:

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm gonna lead actually with that question. You know, we have heard about how amazing you are as a coach, have experienced it. What do you love

Diane:

about what you do? Man, you know, every day is different. So that's what's kind of fun about it too, is that you just never know what you're gonna get when you, you walk into your office every day. But the main thing I got into coaching about was, was to be around people. I. I wanted to be an educator, but when I got done with college, to be quite honest with you, I wasn't ready to go back for more schooling to, to get that education degree because they didn't have it at the University of Washington when I was going to school, an undergrad degree in education. So I kind of fell into coaching and just love connections. I love relationships. I love, you know, working with people. I love watching people learn and grow and so, you know I'm not always sure that you can plan your path all the time. Probably like you experienced too. I'm not sure if you set out when you were in college to do what you're doing now, but you know, when it falls into your lap and, and you really enjoy what you're doing, you know, that's, that's, I can't even call it work anymore. It's my passion. Yeah. Oh,

Breanne:

amazing. So what's really cool is that you are both a successful head college coach and you are a mom. Mm-hmm. of a junior in high school, multi-sport athlete. So

Diane:

Yeah, you just made me sweat thinking about that whole junior in high school thing. I still think of her as a pip squeak when she was around you, so I know. Me too. I was like,

Breanne:

she she was like four or something like that. Well, yeah,

Diane:

yeah, about that. She's 17 now, so she's about, yeah, four or five. Four five.

Breanne:

Around. Yes, I remember, this is side note, but like on our, our kids' clinics that we would do and, cause I was in the education program at Western and I was like learning all these techniques about like, okay, let's all stand in line and like, like Chase is doing and I would like call her out and she just was like, Hmm mm-hmm she, she ate that up.

Diane:

Like absolutely. Recognition is definitely one of her, you know, love languages for sure. Yeah.

Breanne:

Yeah. But anyway, so we're gonna. Specifically we're gonna, I'm gonna hit on both. So the first part will be the easy part around coaching, and then we'll talk about the mom part. But I wanna know, as you are looking at recruits and people to bring into your program, what do you look for? Can you gimme like top three

Diane:

things? Oh, I can give you top three categories, but then I can probably do some subset from that. I mean, obviously the first thing we have to to look at is can they play the game? And that's actually the easiest part I think in recruiting. And recruiting is kind of. Changed and evolved since I've been in it for 20 some odd years. Because playing the game was the number one priority for the longest period of time. Now, as kids have gotten more opportunities to, to actually get in the game and, and get contacts and more clubs and all that kind of stuff, there's a lot more Parody amongst people, so the, the playing part becomes a little easier. I'd say the second part would be how they are as a human being. Mm-hmm. I would say that in the middle. I mean, if I'm kind of tearing them off, I, I wouldn't put it second, but it's kind of the second tier that we look at is can they play Now let's see how they are as a teammate. How are they? A daughter. I've always found that if they're not gonna treat their parent very well, who's an authority figure, why do I think they would treat me well? So, you know, how are they interacting with people? How are they interacting with their coach? How are they interacting with their parents? You know, how are they respectful to the facility that they're at? There's things that we look for that don't necessarily happen. While the game is being played, that tells a lot more about who they are, how they referee. Like if, you know, we're kind of an odd sport with volleyball because they're probably one of the only ones where once you stop playing, you ref another team you just played. I can't imagine that in basketball. I can't imagine that in any other sport. No. You know, but how you approach those duties that are required of you, super important. And then I think the third tier after that is what, who are you, what are you looking for in a school? What are you looking for in an educational experience? Because the education, it will not just be on the court. And I think that's a misnomer by so many people. They think, oh how, what's the playing time? What's the, what's the level of play? All that kind of stuff. You're learning and growing socially, academically physically mentally. I mean, there's so many different facets that you're growing at. You have to find a place where you can thrive in and get your education about all the different facets of who you are. So if that doesn't fit with us, then it's not really I a great idea or a great fit. So can you play the game? Are you a good human that would add to our culture, but then do you really fit into our university or area? You know, are you know who you are as a person? Do you fit into what we do? Because this transfer portal thing that's happening nowadays is a nightmare. And my goal is never to have someone transfer. So if we do our work at the beginning, then that won't necessarily be an issue in the middle. So it's, right now I feel like people are shopping for teams as opposed to recruiting and developing. So, I will dismount off my soapbox on that one. I'll leave it at that.

Yeah.

Breanne:

I mean, it is like this crazy phenomenon that is happening, but when you say you know, fit in with the culture, you know, what, what are their goals, all of all of that. Do you, at this point, do you just kind of go by, by feel and intuition or do you have like an actual. Checklist of things that, that

Diane:

you have. I like asking probing questions, so we kind of go through a process of like, you know introducing them to the school, all that kind of stuff. But once we get to like phone calls or once we get to visits of some sort, whether it's home visit, official visit or finding a way to chat at some point I like more personalized. Conversations, zoom helps. It's gives, I still have a little P T S D of of pandemic, so mm-hmm. while I think Zoom can help because you do get at least some of the other communication things of body language and, and all that kind of stuff I much prefer face-to-face. And then I will ask the probing questions. I think. Part of what our job should be to find the right fit is to ask the questions. That might be hard because we should also be educating them on the process too. But that's also my brain. That's how I work. That's why I got into this in the first place, is to develop young people. So sometimes even recruits, who don't come to my university. I still want to educate him a little bit on the process because this is an important decision.

Breanne:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, I love that you brought that up. When you're recruiting an athlete or watching athlete, Maybe not even like into the recruiting process, but you're just like watching, or James is watching. Are there any deal breakers? You hit on some things about, are there any deal breakers that you're like, mm, nope.

Diane:

Pass. You know, there has been some times when I'm watching someone I'll give a couple examples. One, there was a tight part of a game and she turned to Resetter and said, don't set me the ball. And so. Okay. She doesn't wanna be in pressure situations. That would be something that I would have to develop with her. Are we a part of our recruit recruiting cycle where I have the time to do that? Because you can't have 20 players on your roster where you have to develop that all the time. So, you know, you might be able to have a couple. Do we have those couple right now or can I handle one or one or more of them? I've had them throw water bottles to their parents, fill. You know, oh, no, no, no. Like I can understand if it's a quick, a tight moment, you know, you can always tell like there's context to everything. But when it's demanding and the parent gets up and we run over there, it's like, well, I'm not gonna be filling up your water bottle, so you might need to figure out how to do that yourself and, and prepare a little bit better for your matches or whatever. if I see them rolling their eyes at their coach, if I see them walking away from their coach at a timeout. So they're not engaging. There's certain things like that that are conditioned over time. And so how much time do I wanna spend in having them relearn some of those behaviors? If I have the time, then they can stay on the list. But if I'm at a cycle where I don't have the time, then they make you go off the. Yeah. Oh

Breanne:

yeah. Those are really good, like tangible things that mm-hmm. are key indicators of, I mean, where they're at, maybe as an athlete, but also character and

Diane:

Yes. Well, and we also look at too, just as a side note is I'm gonna scan around to see what. Person is the most interested with that player's play, which typically means it's their parent. Sometimes you can tell by characteristics of their face or whatever, you know? Yeah. If, how is the parent reacting during play you know, because that's gonna be really hard too. We do recruit families because. you know, we've got four to five years to work with someone who's going through a large development period in their life, going from a young adult to hopefully adulting when they're done. So what are those previous 18 years gonna contribute, either positively or negatively to our, you know, continuation of their journey. Yeah. That's important. We're

Breanne:

g we'll, we'll get into some parent things in a time. Absolutely. Yeah. I am curious though, right now, are there there skills that you are seeing Athletes come into college that they're lacking at this, at this point that maybe

Diane:

weren't previously? Absolutely. I think you know, I'm a little biased about where Social media and virtual reality is going at this point. I think it's interesting cause when I was in college I, I majored in speech communication and one of the classes I took was about advertising. So how do you, how do you hook people in on advertising? And I will never forget the lesson we learned about the word virtual. That the actual definition of virtual is not in fact. So when you hear virtual reality, it's not in fact reality. It's what they base a lot of their lives on with that phone or with that iPad or whatever the social media thing that they're on. So their expectations and their reality is a little warped. So, you know, dealing with perfectionism, dealing with you know, comparing themselves to someone else is probably the, the biggest one. I mean, some of those things have just not dealing really with reality. You know, where they truly are, who they are, all that stuff. I think that coupled with the pandemic has stunted their growth when it comes to just being comfortable in their own skin. So that is a larger part. Now what I feel like we're coaching is, yeah, we're coaching some skills, but we're trying to get them comfortable enough to even. Develop skills and develop their volleyball side because we have to get through some of the social side first. Mm-hmm. So some of those skills are just dealing with them as a human, dealing with other humans too, communicating with them. It's just, it's different. And so we have to teach in a way that. You know, when you get outta the program, you are going to be interviewing and working in, in, in work environments with people my age. With people your age, sorry, you're now of a different age than Different category. We didn't necessarily grow up with that. We didn't necessarily deal with that. So you have to also flex to our level just as much as we're gonna have to flex to your level of understanding of communication. Mm-hmm.

Breanne:

Yeah. Yes, I am seeing that too. You high school. The high school level,

Diane:

Absolutely. Mm-hmm. I have a high schooler, so I Yeah, true too. True. You see it. Yeah. She pays for the sins of others sometimes. Yes, Yeah. True.

Breanne:

So then kind of on that note, and realizing and recognizing, you know, what you're looking for and you know, I mean, you obviously run a very established, very, very great program. What are the athletes, what can athletes be doing now? To help prepare them for what they're going to be

Diane:

going through in college. I don't know if you ever can really 100% prepare, obviously, but I do think why I'm excited about the program. Just to be completely transparent, we're, we're working with your program, with our club team right now. What I'm really excited about it is just the lesson of learning how to self-reflect. Mm-hmm. Trying to get to a depth of yourself. I think that's super important because a one is gonna help you find a college that you're gonna like because you're being honest and truthful with that. But b I. Once you're able or to, to be comfortable with saying, Hey, I can make mistakes, or, Hey, I'm not fully formed, or I've got a lot to learn. Once you kind of get to that point, then learning becomes easier because you've created this like rich soiled environment to grow. And I think that's something that's super important. I think this whole idea, again, when I go back to social media and comparisons and stuff that. These people are finished products. It's, it's such a lie. Yeah. That they don't realize you know, how much goes into it or how much is what they, a persona that they put on. You know, we always always have to tell our freshmen that yes, you see the seniors even in your own program that are five years away, away from you as this finished product. But they were a mess too when they were a freshman. And it's okay to be messy. Like that's the whole idea of journey the journey of growing and stuff like that. So, but just the first step of being able to look at yourself honestly is really, really hard. And if they're able to, you know, kind of start with that, it's gonna just make things easier later on to be able to go like, Hey, I'm not fully formed. I'm willing to grow. I'm willing to, to learn. Man, you can get so much done that way. But if you're always defensive of like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm perfect. I'm, I'm, as you know, and you're defensive, you won't get anything. Oh yeah.

Breanne:

That's great. And that's totally an athlete's control. Mm-hmm. it's something that they can be doing. Yeah, a hundred percent. I love that. And that will,

Diane:

can I say one more thing about that, Brie too? Yeah. Mm-hmm. I wanna make sure that people understand that self-reflection doesn't mean self depreciation. Like it's not necessarily about pointing out all your weaknesses and what's wrong with you, or what quote unquote is wrong with you. It's just. Where am I at in my life? Where in this moment, this present state of mind? Where am I at and where do I wanna go and how can I get there? It has nothing to do with, I'm bad at this, or this is not, it's like, We all, it's, it's kind of like building a puzzle. You gotta, you gotta get your framework done first, and then you find the meaty positions, you know, the, you know, I do a lot of puzzles, so it's like, what is the bright colors that can go together that you can create some stability with? And then you fill in the pieces around, like, we're just never done learning and growing. So it's not about what we're not, but what we can be. And, and looking at it more in a positive way. And, you know, I just see that a lot as like, I'm not good enough and trying to fill in the holes because you're not good enough as opposed to, here's an opportunity for me to continue to build. Mm-hmm.

Breanne:

Yeah, I think that's great. Because, well, you know, when, when we do self-reflection, I think we do, we have that negativity bias and it's always like, okay, so now I'm gonna look at everything I did wrong. Mm-hmm. and, and then I am responsible for, for fixing all of it when I think it's important that, you know, athletes and everybody. You know, pay attention and take ownership for their responsibility in it. But you know, I think that comes also with a lot of self-awareness. Absolutely. You know, aware of like, what I can do to influence this and maybe we're, I might need help from like, and support

Diane:

from other people. Absolutely. And that's another thing too. I think being able to accept help is really, really rare. Because we're not supposed to, we can just look it up. Right, right. I, I, I'll find the answer myself. And that happened a lot in the pandemic too. You were only reliable on yourself. But asking for help has been a huge. Hurdle for us to get over in these last couple cycles of people who have been coming into the university is just realizing it's okay. It's okay to say, I don't know,

Breanne:

right? Yeah. Yeah. Really great things. And, you know, so I feel like I, and this is what I'm experiencing too, like as a coach and, and, and what I do helping on the mental side of the game, it. the volleyball will come, like you, you, you show up and you put in the reps mm-hmm. and like that will, that will develop, it's like this whole other piece of it that will either like, accelerate that growth or, or stunt it.

Diane:

So absolutely. I think I go and do clinics quite a bit and when I've realized, when I go there as my ex's and o's, I mean, Compared to the people I'm around here. That comparison, maybe I'm not, I don't have as many of the X's and O's that I have. I feel like we're, my coaching is best served is to open up people to, to get them to believe that they can do anything and then, and, and be able to fail and that's okay. And then try anything that's possible. I feel like the next best technique is somewhere out there that I don't have, but somebody can show me and if I don't open myself up to it or they don't feel like they can try anything, I'll, we'll never. Mm-hmm.

Breanne:

Yeah. Yeah. That's huge. Okay. I wanna shift a little bit to the mom side of this and the, the parent side of this. I guess. So first, still kind of from your perspective as a coach though is there any way that parents can get this, get this wrong, or, you know, when you say you recruit the family, like what does that mean?

Diane:

Well, it, it's, it's super important to us to, for the, the values that we have match what the, the family values that they have as well. And most of the time I think people believe in those It's just how you practice'em that might be a little bit different. I, I think that, you know, we're obviously as parents we're kind of servant leaders in and of ourselves just with our children. But there can be a point where we, the, the best quote I've ever had to describe it for myself that I'm really working hard on is, is don't prepare the path for the child. Prepare the child for the path. And that one has hit so hard with me because I think I'm someone that would prepare the. Because I've been down it, I see what's going around the corners. I wanna make sure there's no rocks in the way. And it's been really hard to be able to just go, you know what? Sometimes you're gonna need to fall and you need to experience it, and that's actually better for you than me fixing it for you. So can parents get it wrong? No, because we're always coming from this place of love and encouragement and all that, but the idea of. giving them a voice and giving them input and have, and the things that they can control, letting them take the lead on it. I think that is super huge. And I say that 100%, knowing full well I don't do that a hundred percent of the time, so So that's a full disclosure there,

Breanne:

right? Yeah, because you know your chase is in the recruiting process and all that. And on a more like tangible note as far as. You know, parent the emails and like getting ahold of coaches, you know, should that come from athletes? Should it come from mom? Should it dad,

Diane:

what? It, it definitely should come from the athlete. You know, I think it's important for parents to be involved in the process. Mm-hmm. for that very reason. I mean, how are you gonna have a 15, 16 year old make huge decisions for their life by themselves? It's just not real. So I think we're realistic in the sense that the parents are gonna be fully involved. Guiding rather than doing, I think would be the best like mantra for you. Can I help guide them in writing an email as opposed to writing it for them? I, as soon as I get an email from a parent that says my daughter, I'm like, Ooh. Like my red flag goes up from that very first sentence of my daughter is an outside hitter. It's like, so, or. Write me and tell me that they're too busy. I'm like, if you're too busy right now, if you can't handle the load right now, you're never gonna handle the load in college. So I do think it's really important for the, the player to advocate for themselves, to speak their voice. But parents definitely need to help guide the process. That's just, that's just the way it is. I think in life. They just gotta keep guiding them through, but let them walk through it as opposed to, you know, clearing the bushes for them and, and then having them follow. Right. Yeah,

Breanne:

I think that's a good distinction. Guide, not do for mm-hmm. And how's that going with you and

Diane:

I feel like it's a therapy session in some way. I know, I know. It's really hard. It's really hard because partly because I'm supposed to know as a college coach what she should be doing. But it's a lot different to be on the other end of this coin. It's really, really different. And I think because of who she is too is that she really struggles with perfectionism. So she wants to write this perfect email. So she gets kind of hesitant so it, it becomes kind of a vicious cycle. Like all the things that she kind of struggles with on the court kind of come out in the recruiting process as well. So I wanna try to guide her through it. But it's hard sometimes cuz sometimes I wanna get things done when I wanna get'em done and that is my biggest hiccup and it's really gotta be on her terms and that way it's her process and it's her outcome. Mm-hmm.

Breanne:

yeah. Of that and her outcome. Yep. Yeah, I actually hear from a lot of moms that are like, she's not doing her emails, or she's not emailing coaches, she's not like putting this together and like, at some point I'm just gonna have to step in and do it. So is

Diane:

that, or the answer is no. No, you don't, you know, like this will be a great learning experience for them, but it, it could be. The why I, I always think that behaviors are the things that we have a tendency to react to, but why is the behavior happening is what we really need to address. Yeah. So, you know, if they're not writing the email, why aren't they writing the email? Is, are they having a hard time starting? Okay, we'll help them, guide them through that. Are they just afraid of the whole process in itself? Well, let's guide'em through that so we don't necessarily have to, to do the thing. The behavior that's driving us nuts because that's what we do as parents. We wanna it lowers our anxiety, has nothing to do with helping them. It really just, why are we doing it? We're doing it because it lowers our own anxiety. So let's get to the why's of why they're not doing it, and then maybe guide'em through that, how to help them through that part of the process. Right.

Breanne:

Yeah. Which sometimes is surprising what you uncover, because I've had a couple that are like, well, actually, she doesn't wanna play in college. They're like, okay, well that makes sense why she's not

Diane:

doing those things. Well then she's actually creating the destiny she wants. So good job,

Breanne:

Yeah, exactly. She's doing it. But sometimes our athletes say they want things because it's what they should say and. All of that, so mm-hmm.

Diane:

Well, and I know with with specifically my kid, I think in some ways she is afraid of the rejection cuz she has this in her mind, like where she, she really wants to go. She, her goal is to play at the highest level in whatever sport that she can play at the highest level at mm-hmm. But what if she finds out that's not as high, she thought it might be. And so I think that that fear of rejection is the thing that kind of holds her back sometimes is that she doesn't really wanna know because. You know, hit at her self-esteem. And I'm like, Hey. Better to know than to not know. Yeah. So we're a little bit at odds on that one too.

Breanne:

right? Yeah, no, I, I hear that too from, from moms who like, I think she's just afraid of being rejected. Mm-hmm. Which is hard. That's hard. Like, that's another one of those things that we've gotta experience and, you know, let our kids experience. But it's, it's hard and it's hard for us to watch too.

Diane:

Absolutely. And you know, it, it's hard even on the college coaching end. I mean, I, I know sometimes when I have to write. The, we call'em rejection emails or whatever. It's kind of hard cause I realize it's somebody's kid. It's somebody who's going to hear a message that they don't wanna hear. So I, you know, it's the, it's not always the easiest email to write, which is, you know, the, becomes a very emotional process sometimes. So you do have to detach at some, at some moments too, but, mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure.

Breanne:

Okay. Kind of going on a little bit of a tangent, but there are a lot of moms in our community who are either former athletes or coaching their daughter's team like you are. Yes. And I get asked all of the time, like, how do I be both? Like I understand that there's different roles and you've gotta be the coach and you've gotta be the mom, but like the lines get blurred and it leads to meltdowns and it's from the outside. It looks like you've been able to do this really successfully with Chase Can you tell

Diane:

us your secrets? Well, oh man. Well, I never coach alone. I think that's really, really huge is that I've never had just me coaching her teams. Cause I do think she needs to hear a different voice and I think it's really important that. That there, that there, there's a distinguished time between when I'm a coach and when I'm a mom. I had this conversation with John Dunning and Macha, who are kind of some gurus to me of, of the volleyball community. About how long do you coach'em? They were like at U fourteens, you stop, stop coaching'em at u fourteens because you know, that's when we're starting to get into high school. They need to hear a different voice, all that. Well, here I'm at U seventeens and I'm still coaching her just because we're short on coaches. But it's not always the easiest process because she's going to not distinguish whether I'm a mom or a coach, much harder than I'm gonna be able to distinguish it. So there's, we've had, like before I got back to coaching her in club, we had that conversation of how are you gonna feel about this? Because there are some pitfalls. Her, I'm like, your teammates might get frustrated with You know, the way I'm coaching them or something like that. And they're gonna need to vent. Now, are you gonna see me as their coach and support them, or are you gonna see me as their mom and support me? Like that's a very difficult line to be in. So we talk about how to navigate that. We also have very, very open talks about, okay, Today was a day where you seem to need to me as a mom. So let's have a signal of do you need me, like I need you as a mom, is how you start the conversation and then talk to me about something. Or I need you as a coach and you talk to me about something. Hopefully we can establish some, some guidelines that we've used just so that at least I have a little bit of an idea of what she needs at the time. But it's, it's not as easy as I think people give it cuz you really can go one of two. As a a, as a parent coach, my kid can do nothing wrong because I've taught'em all this stuff or they can't do anything right. And I know myself, I have a tendency to go to, she can't do anything right, which really can knock on her confidence and self-esteem. So I'm, I have to be aware of who I am as a parent coach too because neither one is, Helpful. Can be destructive on their own ends, but it is a quite the tight road to walk, walk, you know? But, you know, we, constant communication is our biggest. Biggest key is that we just keep talking about how are you feeling about it, how are you dealing with it? And then also having those other people with me is that they keep me in check too because mm-hmm. I need them to tell me, Hey, you're being too hard on her, or whatever. So that's always helpful. There are some times where I'm like, you take her right now, right? I need to go. I need, I think I've got my parent hat on, and so I need you to take there as a coach and, and work with her, but, mm-hmm. Yeah. So far, so.

Breanne:

Yeah, it seems like it. I, I just think of all of the, I don't know, like also the, the position, position that chases in. Like I think of other people too. You know, how they're looking in and it's like, do you manage that or do you just like, not care? You know? Cause, because kind of is like she's got a target on her back, like mm-hmm. is she playing because, you know, you're her mom. Yeah,

Diane:

that's exactly, that's exactly been my fear. That's why when I came back to coach Club, cause we had that little hiatus obviously with with the pandemic. So when we came back that's why I brought in other people. I tried to eliminate myself from being a part of lineup decisions. Depth charts, that kind of stuff. I try to just say, I'm just gonna be coaching. And I try to coach, my goal always in coaching is to, to, to reach everybody every day. So they're gonna see me do that. And so keeping that balance too, but I, I try to keep myself removed from, The lineup decisions as much as possible. And that's why when people keep asking me, would I recruiter in college, I think that's really hard because the locker room needs to be a safe space. And I don't want her to be excluded because they wanna talk about me, which I, I'm not blind, I'm not stupid. I get that, you know, coaches are gonna be talked about and people are gonna be frustrated. It's, it's totally fine. But what position does that put her in? And so I wanna be very conscious of that as. Yeah. But I think on the other hand, she does a really good job. So I, I, I'm proud of her for how she handles a lot of these situations because she's super positive with her teammates. She tries to get the best out of them, so she's constantly communicating with them and being a, a good person with them. So I don't think people. See her necessarily as privileged that way because she works really, really hard, you know, she tries to do it positively. So she, she does that on her own to create an environment where I think sometimes I forget that she's my kid. So, yeah, that, that helps too.

Breanne:

Yeah. See, you've raised a good one. It sounds like

Diane:

Thanks. You know, all those memes that I, I open up my, you know, phone. Sometimes I see a meme. I say, if you haven't heard it, you're a good mom today. And I'm like, oh my goodness. Like I need someone to tell me that.

Breanne:

Thank you. Random person on the

Diane:

internet. I believe you. That was actually reality, not virtual reality. Yeah. Yeah. That

Breanne:

Oh, this is great. Diane, you have provided so much, so much knowledge from multiple perspectives as a mom, as a high level coach, successful coach, like. Thank you. And also just thank you again for, for your impact in how we are reaching so many moms and athletes. Cuz honestly, I don't, I don't think I would be doing this if

Diane:

it weren't for you. So. Well, I'm super excited for you, Brie. I, I mean, what you're doing is so awesome and it's, you know, it, it, I know that it became a business for you, but I think the idea that if you can count rather. You know, instead of what you're doing, like how many lives you've impacted, it's, it's amazing. And I'm so excited I'm using your program as well with our team, which we had our first session and it's be gone. So great. So I'm, I'm so 100% behind you because young women really need this kind of influence because they're not always getting it from, from outside, from the society. So, and to all the moms out there who are investing their time with their daughters to do this, you know, kudos to you because this is super, I.

Breanne:

Hmm. Awesome. Thank you again so much, Diane.

Diane:

Absolutely.

I hope you enjoyed that episode. Mom, Sam is obviously an amazing coach has built an amazing program at Western, but she's also an amazing person. So I hope you were able to. To catch that as you were listening and walk away with some tangible tips that you can help your daughter with. Now, if you would do us a favor, if you enjoyed this episode or you were doing this podcast, if it's been helping. Please give us a rate and a review rates and reviews that help us to be able to reach as many female athletes and their moms as possible. And it also helps us bring in great guests onto the podcast that help serve you. So give us a rate, give us a review, share away. We will be forever grateful for you doing that. All right, moms, I am coach Bri and elite performance coach for female athletes and the host of the raising unstoppable girl athletes podcast. So thankful that you're here and I will see you in the next episode.