Pre-Game Pep Talks That Actually Work To Help Your Athlete Daughter's Confidence

Welcome back to the reason elite competitors podcast. I'm coach Bre a mental performance coach for girl athletes. And I'm so excited that you're here, whether you are just getting going on this sports mom journey, or maybe you have a lot of seasons under your belt, you got an experienced athlete. This podcast is for you to help you know, how to raise a mentally strong, confident girl athletes. So I am excited that you're here today. We're talking specifically about. Pregame pregame pet talks and how to ensure that what you're saying to your athlete before she competes. Actually lands and actually helps her instead of hurts her because sometimes we unintentionally. Can I have more pressure, even though we have the best of intentions. So we're going to talk about those situations that we can get in that actually do more harm than good. And what you can say to help your athlete play confidently before she competes. Now, before we get into that, I do want to give a shout out to a mom in our community. This mom is going through the elite mental game with her daughter. So that's our signature mentor training program for girl athletes, and also for the moms and the parents that support them. And she posted this the other day. She said, Communication has improved drastically for the past few months. She had literally shut down with all communication with us. We would go all day or evening with a total of five words from her. We started this program along with her switching club teams and coaches, and she is eight new person. We are only a couple of weeks into the program, but the fact that she has had tangible tools to use during this transition, it has made a world of difference. So excited for you, so excited for your daughter. And I love hearing this because that's really where it comes together. When your athlete has tangible tools to navigate whatever transition she's in, whatever things she's experiencing in her sport. And then you, as a mom, know what to say and do to support her through all of those things. That is really where the difference happens. And you can see it right there at communication has improved. Now we're actually talking because she's sharing with me how she's feeling. She is sharing what she needs. And throughout the program, there are touch points that require athletes and parents to talk and communicate about these things. So it's really beautiful when it comes together like this, and we start to see these results. So keep going really proud of. The both of you. Alright before we get into pre-game pep talks. If you have like 30 seconds, It would mean the world to us. If you could make sure that you are subscribed and following the podcast, this actually helps you out because then you don't miss a podcast episode. And then it helps us out because we are getting into the ears of more sports moms. And why didn't you mean our reach? And then we can bring on more amazing guests for you and serve you even deeper. So if you just want to make sure that you are following the podcasts, you're subscribing. If you have even more time, like 30 more seconds, which I know is few and far between eSports moms, but. If you do, it would also help us out a lot. If you rate and review the podcast or share your favorite episode with a fellow sports mom. So thank you. Thank you in advance. If you have time to do that for us. Okay. Let's talk about pre-game pep talks. Now, pregame is kind of a tricky time. So what your athlete might be feeling and experiencing, I'm sure you have seen this right before a competition. She's potentially nervous. She's also excited. She's scared, anxious. Maybe she's irritable. I hear from a lot of moms, they're like. She doesn't want to talk and she's really snappy. Right before a competition, like anything I say like, I can't even breathe. Right. And she is like, Mt. I'm stopped doing that. And so she's getting a little irritable. And this is normal. That's not to excuse any bad or poor behavior, how she's communicating with you. But this is normal because your athlete is caring about what's about to happen. She is potentially feeling a lot of pressure she wants to do well. This competition matters to her. And so she is overwhelmed. Like her nervous system is a little bit dysregulated in this time. And so any other inputs that she is getting from her environment potentially are going to. Dysregulate her even more and cause her to be a little snappy, little irritable. So just know that that's normal. If you're in that camp again, not to excuse like a rude or disrespectful behavior. Now what she needs in this time, when she's feeling these things, which are normal and actually our assignment, what she's doing matters, and she cares about it, but she does need routine. She needs consistency and she also needs to focus on what is in her control. Okay, we're going to talk about how you can provide that for her, how you can really create a routine with her and create something that's consistent so that she can rely on that. And not have to worry about extra things. Pregame, like she can just go out and do her thing. Cause that's ultimately what our goal is. As sports moms is to create a situation and an environment where she can just go and do, she doesn't have to think about so many other things. She doesn't have to worry about things. She's not being thrown off by the comments that you make you know, unintentionally. She can just go and do. And so we'll talk about how you can create that for her, but what she doesn't need for sure are a lot of reminders about how big this game is, or make sure that you do this, make sure the known coaching, leave that to the coach. Okay. If you literally are the coach of your daughter's team, that's a little bit of a different story. We actually have episodes all about like, you know, how to draw that line between mom and coach, how to make sure that she knows if you're speaking as mom or speaking as coach. And that makes a big difference, but leave the coaching to her coach because athletes report that they actually find themselves feeling more pressured and more anxious when their parents are just riddling them with all of these reminders and things. The other thing that she doesn't need is your stress. Most of us feel a little nervous, a little anxious. Before our athletes compete as well. So if you're in that camp, that is totally normal. However, you need to find your own ways to manage your stress before our competition, because we can absolutely project that stress onto our kids. And then they're now feeling this extra burden, this extra weight. So. Check in with yourself. But you know, and start to notice, like, am I feeling stressed? Am I feeling nervous? Why am I feeling stressed? Why am I feeling nervous? Okay. Do I just seen it? Take a couple of laps. We need to, you know, do some box breathing over here. Do I just need to make sure that I processed with a partner rather than try and like word vomit on my daughter because I'm stressed. And so just, you know, finding that awareness in yourself is actually a really good first place to ensuring that she can just go out and have a great, great game, a great experience. I do want to share with you. Some of what athletes say inside our program. So inside the elite mental game, There is a part. In their progression where they are. Reflecting on what they need for support. And so they're required to answer and look into what do I need, what is helpful before a game? What is helpful during a game? What is helpful post game? What is, what is needed here? And then they also have a conversation with their parents to share this information. And parents are also a part of this conversation on how to build a routine. But I found it really interesting as I was looking through some of the responses from athletes, because there were some common things that came up in regards to pre-competition. So I'm just going to read to. You some of these responses from athletes that they wrote inside our training portal as they were going through the elite mental game. So here we go. First athlete says before competitions, I like to be reminded that I should focus on being my best self and doing my best. Now she goes on to explain. During game and post game, but. Here's the deal. She said she likes to be reminded, but not about things that are out of her control. That is a key differentiating thing that I really want you to pay attention to you. I like to be reminded, I should focus on being my best self and doing my best. That is in her control when we remind our kids like, Hey, remember. That you need to, Do this certain skill, or you need to score this many points. we probably aren't saying like, you mean to you to score 30 points, but we are. We are subconsciously sending the messages when we say things like, Hey, you know, last game, do what you did them because you played so well last game. And make sure you don't do what you did over here. Like some of those things are actually out of her control, especially if it's related to outcomes, because we have other teammates. We have the other team, we have reps, we have coaches who are making decisions. And so when our athletes feel pressured to have to perform like they did, you know, a certain game ago or to some sort of like arbitrary expectation. That you have on them, then they're feeling a lot more pressure. And a lot more anxiety, nervousness, and then they're potentially not actually going to live. Up to what you think that they should do or live up to what they think you think. Okay. We kind of get into this, like you know, trying to read your mind and pick up on vibes. The best thing you can do is just remind her to focus on things that are in her control. Hey, show up, trust your training. Do your best. You got this. We can't wait to watch, you know, those type of things because then athletes. Not that, you know, they should avoid pressure. We actually teach athletes in the program, how to change their relationship with pressure because pressure is not necessarily bad. However, they're actually going to play better and they're going to get better outcomes if they are just focusing on. What is in their control. Like, I just need to go out and I need to give a hundred percent be coachable. Be good teammate. That's actually going to create better outcomes for them. All right. So that's the first one on that athlete. And the key takeaway there is. If you're going to talk to your athlete before getting, make sure that you are highlighting things that are in their control. Okay. Another athlete said before game. I like being told words of affirmation by my parents, because they mean the world to me may be corny, but I love them. And they're my best support. Now. How, first of all, how precious is that? But the takeaway from here is words of affirmation. Affirm me, affirm me as a person. Remind me that. I am capable that I am strong. I can do this. And if, sometimes you feel like those words are getting on deaf ears with your athlete, do know that if they are focused on. If your words are focused on what's in their control, who they are as people. And our program, we talk about pulling out their positive, innate qualities. Those things positively impact the outcome and prepare your athlete to go out and be confident as she competes. So, you heard it from this athlete, I'd like to be told words of affirmation. Affirm me who I am. Okay. This athlete said before a competition, I like to be left alone so that I can remind myself and affirm myself of what I can and can't do. I don't like my parents telling me to do what I already know. Okay. So this athlete is kind of in that camp of like, she likes to have some alone time. She likes to process, maybe she, because she's going through the elite mental game, she has a pre-competition routine. So athletes inside the elite mental game are coming up with their pre-competition routines and they need time to do that. They don't need to be in a conversation with you the whole time. They need some space to be able to like listen to their visualization and. You know, write down their affirmations or do their breath work before a game. And then I love that. She said, I don't want my parents telling me to do what I already know it. All right. Most of the time athletes already know, they already know how big the game is. They already know what they're focusing on. They already know all of these things that sometimes we feel like we need to tell them, or else if I don't tell them this, they might not do it when really they actually know. Okay. All right. This athlete said before games, I like to have space because I feel like sometimes what my parents say gets in my head, even though they're trying to be supportive. Okay. Ending on this one because this athlete brings up a really great point. We are not intentionally trying to get in our athletes head in a negative way. We are never thinking that what we're saying is going to cause them to be in a spiral, like everything that you say, or I say as a sports parent, it's coming from the best of intentions. And here's the thing sometimes though. We can actually cause the opposite to happen. It can get into our athletes head, especially for focusing on outcomes, especially if we're incessantly, reminding them things, especially if our stress is projecting onto them. And so that's why a lot of these athletes are like, I just need some space. Okay. I just need to like, not have to respond to questions I need to not, I just need to like get into my zone. And so if that's your athlete, this is a great time to actually think about what she needs and maybe it's. Oh, it's okay. If there's silence in the car ride, it's okay. If she just needs to like, you know, have 10 minutes where I'm not talking to her. And the more that you can be on the same page with your athlete about this, the better. And that's why inside EMG creating pre-competition routine athletes create their own as athletes, but then also athletes and parents create their pre-competition routines. And there are simple, like these are simple routines. They're like, I bring her. The same snack before a game, or I tell her my phrase that I always say maybe something like, trust your training, go get them. And then she spends five minutes by herself doing her visualization. I gave her a hug and then she goes out some athletes and parents inside the program. I have like a special handshake. And so creating the space to allow a routine to. You know, happen for you and your athlete. Is so great because then she has the routine. She has the consistency. She's not wondering what you're going to say, or if she's going to, you know, if you're going to get in her head or anything like that It eliminates these arguments that sometimes happens these bickering moments that sometimes happen before a game. And so. Have that routine with your athlete and come up with the things that you say that are kind of like your tagline or your catch phrases before a game. Like those things are things that your athlete will actually anchor onto. And they're actually going to be the things that years and years down the road. She's going to remember, she's going to be like, have my mum always used to say, or my dad always used to say this before a game and it just helped remind me, or like added some humor or something. Okay. And whatever you say, make sure it's short. Make sure it's focused on what's in her control. Now, if you want some examples of things that you can say before a game, this is actually something that we go over inside our free training for sports moms. And not only do we talk about this inside that training, like, you know, what's going on with your athlete, pregame, how to help her with her anxiety if she has some of that. But we also give away some free PDFs. Around what to say. So we have our 25 key freezes that PDF that has 25 phrases designed to build your athlete's confidence. And we have it split up by pre-team phrases. And post-game pre. Phrases and then day to day scripts that you can say to ensure that you are building her confidence in the right way. So to get that, go ahead and go to train her game.com register for the training. And that's one of the gifts that you get for. Being a part of that training. So not only do you get this amazing training, it's about 40 minutes. But you also get that to PDF. It's like a cheat sheet that you can just keep in your back pocket for those times that you need it. All right. I hope that this quick episode was helpful for you. You're taking away some tangible nuggets that you can start implementing right away. I'm going to recap a little bit, first thing, there's two parts to this pregame experience. There's your athlete herself, and then there's you, and the best, most effective way to ensure that your athlete is showing up confidently and competing in her sport. The way that she knows how, and that you know is in her is to have both. So she needs tangible tools. Pre-competition like she needs to know what's her pre-competition routine. And EMG, we talk about hype number. What's her hype number. How does she get there? Does she do visualizations? Does she do breath work? You know, what is her routine so that she is managing her own nerves because you can't do that for her. However, you can influence based on what you say. So your pep talks. Are important. Okay. What you say, and more importantly, what you don't say is key during this time. So making sure that you have a routine, make sure you're consistent, you're checking your own stress and anxiety as it relates to your daughter's. Performance And that if you are saying things to her, that they are short and they're focused on something that's in her control. So go ahead and check out that free training for sports moms to learn even more about this. We go a lot more in depth. That's at train her game at.com and that's also where you can grab the 25 key phrases. PDF. All right. Moms, I'm coach Bri, a mental performance coach for girl athletes. And I will see you in the next episode of the racing elite competitors podcast.