Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back to the Raising Elite Competitors podcast. I'm Coach Brie, a mental performance coach for girl athletes, and I am so excited that you are here. Whether you are just starting your sports mom journey or maybe you have a lot of seasons under your belt, this podcast is for you to help you know how to raise a confident and mentally strong girl athlete, and you and I both know that part of raising a confident, mentally strong girl athlete is us as parents what we say, what we do, the opportunities we provide our athletes, and that's why I'm excited about today's episode. I have Crystal Obi, who is the co-founder of Life and Launches with her husband, but is also an executive life coach and mother of five kids who she's been homeschooling for the past 13 years, and in this episode we're talking all about how to be intentional in our parenting so in athletics, but also in life, in their academics. Intentional with our time, our money, our resources, with our words all of the ways that impact our athletes and our kids. So I am thrilled to invite Crystal onto the podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:08

We had an amazing conversation that I know that you're gonna get a lot from, and something that we talk about inside the episode is the free homeschooling summit that her and her husband are hosting actually this week if you're listening to this at the time of recording, which is September 26th through the 28th. So if you're curious or just getting started or maybe you've been homeschooling for a while, there is something for you inside this summit. It's totally free. I'm actually speaker at one of the days. If you want to check it out, the link to register is inside the show notes. But regardless if you're a homeschooling mom or not, this conversation was incredibly eyeopening for me as a parent, so I know it will be for you too. All right, enjoy, moms. I'll see you in the next episode. Welcome Crystal to the Raising Elite Competitors podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:50

I'm glad you're here. I'm so glad to be here. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:54

Yeah, I'm really excited to dive into this concept around intentional parenting and even as we were just chatting offline about how intentional you are as a parent and what you do to invest in and equip other parents to be intentional in their parenting, it's just really exciting to me, like I'm actually just going to be the learner in all of this, Will you please introduce yourself to our audience who you are and what you do?

Speaker 2: 2:18

My name is Crystal Obie. I'm in Dallas, texas. I'm a homeschooling mother of five. I homeschool with my husband, anthony. We work from home together and we help businesses with their digital marketing, and also we help parents. I'm a life coach, and so we help parents live intentionally with their kids, which is what we've always wanted to do, and so we do that by providing great content and resources for people through a homeschool summit that we have that goes on called free homeschool summitcom. So that's one of our labors of love. It's a passion project that lets us work together to be able to help people with my skills and his skills.

Speaker 1: 2:53

So yep, I love that you. I mean like you're literally married, but you've also married your, your passions to create a business that's just so in alignment with what you're passionate about.

Speaker 2: 3:06

It's very beautiful. Okay, we met in college and so, just by being best friends, we were talking about what we wanted to do, and we both wanted to have five kids, we both wanted to be in business, and so we're basically just spent the last 25 years just building what we said we wanted to do when we were just college students walking around Atlanta Georgia.

Speaker 1: 3:22

Oh my gosh, I love it. And can you mention your slogan, because it just, I think, is perfect also for what you do.

Speaker 2: 3:30

Oh, okay. So we love to say equipping intentional parents, educating exceptional children.

Speaker 1: 3:36

And honestly, I'm like that's what we do too.

Speaker 2: 3:38

Yeah, that's why we love you guys.

Speaker 1: 3:40

Yeah, like wow, that's like totally in alignment. So I think that really leads into what we're going to be talking about today Really just equipping us as intentional parents and educating our exceptional children and our exceptional student athletes. So let's first talk about intentionality when it comes to time. Time is a big one, I mean. It always feels like there's not enough and I, as a parent, am always struggling with, like how am I using my time? Am I using it appropriately? Am I using it to the maximum? Like what are my kids seeing when they see my use of time, especially around them? Anyway, there's a lot that goes into that. Can you talk about your perspective of being intentional with time?

Speaker 2: 4:19

One thing is my love language is quality time, so I lean towards always.

Speaker 2: 4:23

If I have a relationship, I love to spend more time, and so, of course, with my kids and with my husband, I love to spend a lot of quantity of time, and so that was a big reason.

Speaker 2: 4:32

Why we chose to homeschool was because we knew we wanted to be able to have a lot of time as a family.

Speaker 2: 4:37

So that's a high value for us.

Speaker 2: 4:40

And then also, with our time, we like to make sure that it is very intentional and purposeful, and so we really like to focus on the activities that we choose to do and the things that we invest in and spend our time on.

Speaker 2: 4:51

So we do a lot of things that are very high quality with our time, and so we always like to make sure that parents understand that, even if they don't have a lot of time like they're professionals or they just have a lot going on or have maybe even have multiple kids professionals, or they just have a lot going on or have maybe even have multiple kids that make sure that they are able to keep track of the time they are spending with their kids and make sure that they are getting a chance to sit down and look them in the eye and make sure that they're not distracted and have actual time with them, because you only get so many years with your kids. Where they're under 12 years old is when you spend the majority of the time with your kids in their life. After 12 years old and they're teenagers, that's whenever they are in lots of activities and things and so many times, like an athletic parents, they're spending a lot of time with their kids by supporting them, like going to practices, going to events and watching them perform, and that is supportive. But they also want to make sure that they have a time where it's like one on one, relationship building so that as they grow up into adulthood they have that relationship as well as the performance and support.

Speaker 1: 5:53

Yeah, that's where my mind went. Is that a lot of our listeners are in that age range, like we have kids that are in the thick of the teenage years and they're in middle school, in high school and potentially playing multiple sports, playing club sports, playing year round. And do you have any perspective or tips for parents who are in the boat? And they're that boat and they're like, well, I feel like I hardly see my kids. I mean, I'm watching them play. You know anything that you have to kind of give these parents a nugget of like well, this is how you can be intentional.

Speaker 2: 6:25

Yeah, I like to compare it to like whenever you have a marriage and maybe like the parents are working and they feel like they're providing for the family because they're working all the time, but then they go home and they're like, oh, you never spent time with me, you don't love me, but it's like I'm working, I'm doing this for you. So whenever you have a parent that has an athletic child, you're driving them around, you're investing in all these programs and you're literally sitting there, and so then it becomes a play of knowing your own child, because one child could be like oh, my parent loves me because they're here for me and they're doing all these things and they hear it like their love language or their personality type, and they're like that is love and they grow up and they're fine. And then another child is like, oh, you were there, but you never sat and just had a long conversation with me. So it really comes down to if you know, there's no like one size fits all, because every child has their own way that they hear and receive that love from you.

Speaker 2: 7:18

But definitely if you're a parent who is investing in their athletic career and things like that, you are intentional, you're putting your time, you're putting your money, you're putting your effort. I mean, that's some of the most dedicated parents that I've ever seen is people who are taking their child from A all the way up to Z with their athletic career, and so it's knowing your child. If your child is saying I love that you're at all my games, but I'd really like to just have some free time where it's not about performance, then listen to that. But then also realize that it's the parent, it's the children that have parents that invest in them that become great. So it's really hard to balance that, and so it just comes down to listening, just like in any other relationship.

Speaker 1: 7:57

Yeah, that's a great point. Like knowing, knowing your kid and those of you that are listening that have athletes who aren't driving yet, like yeah, there's an opportunity there in that car ride.

Speaker 2: 8:07

Like that, yeah, that carpool. Whenever you do the carpool, are you taking them to their activities? I know, in homeschooling some parents I know they like road school, like homeschool their other kids while they're driving, Cause here in Dallas I mean you got to drive everywhere, so some parents are driving across town to get to specific gyms to for their kids to practice, and so they just are really intentional with that time in the car. That's whenever they have conversations, that's whenever they'll do activities and work and get that done so that when they get home later they don't have a lot of extra homework or just kind of like use the time they have in the car and in other areas that they're doing so that they can free up time later.

Speaker 1: 8:43

Yeah, that's such a good point and we hear actually people who are in our program. We have an online program that's self paced. And they're like yeah, we just use the time in the car.

Speaker 2: 8:52

Yeah, exactly, Never heard of it called road schooling, but that makes sense yeah yeah, so like if you're in the car and like road, schooling is whenever you travel around domestically, around the United States, and are able to take, you know, rv trips and things like that, and you're on the road, you take your school with you and if you're a traveling athlete, you're in the road a lot, and so you may travel around to different gyms and do activities, but also in when you're in a big city or you're doing a lot of driving just to get to where you're trying to practice, because in order to have the best facilities for training, you may live in one city and it may be all the way across town and it's worth it for your child to be in.

Speaker 2: 9:26

It just is what it is. I mean, athletic parents understand that you want to be at a specific gym and so you have a lot of drive time and so, instead of taking that time in the evening or on the weekends to do extra homework, take that time and then you reserve that time on the weekends and in the evenings for personal time. That's whenever you're actually able to sit and connect with your child and not go home and then still have a lot of work to do or chores or things like that.

Speaker 1: 9:50

Yeah, yeah, good point, that's totally a way to approach it. Or using some of that time in the car to just connect with your athlete, like we give exactly yeah, like we give them scripts in the car, like it's just easier. You know you're like both looking forward and not like it's just easier to have a conversation, and so I know a lot of parents mourn that time when they're like my kid's driving now like that I'm in the car was actually like our time together.

Speaker 2: 10:13

Yeah, my neighbor. Just last week she had three kids and one just went to college and then one is driving and she doesn't have to drive anybody to school or practices any activities anymore because they everybody's driving. It was so sad because I don't have to drive anymore.

Speaker 1: 10:26

Yeah, okay, that's really good and really great reminders. And then one other note on time. I don't know if this is just more prevalent in my life right now, just with my age of kids, but maybe you can tell because you have a wide range of kids. But the intentionality with time too, I have to be intentional because I don't like to admit it, but my phone is really distracting and like sometimes any pocket of time that I have with my even my kids are there. I'm like checking things, responding to emails, like doing all this, and I'm like I really need to be more intentional with this. So I don't know if that's just as obvious as it is like don't be on your phone around your kids, or is there a way to like balance that? Any thoughts on that?

Speaker 2: 10:58

Oh yeah, I totally like to talk about balancing the screen time, especially because what we're doing is we're modeling for our kids and so one thing with like with us working from home and also having the kids with us and homeschooling. It's funny because you know that if you're on your phone and you're maybe sometimes you're working and then sometimes you're maybe just having fun or something, then the kid just sees you as on the phone, so they don't see you're actually being productive and you may be actually being extra productive so you can be with them. All they see is that you're on the phone and so they just see the phone as you're not with them. And so what I like to do is to make sure that I just put my phone away and I just don't even have it. And then I have specific times where, if I'm working, I tell the kids hey, I'm working, I'm on my phone right now I'm working, and they understand that I need to do what I need to do and I have the privilege of being able to be with them. But sometimes I do need to be on my phone.

Speaker 2: 11:50

But I try to just be mindful of my own actions because I'm modeling to them how to do so if I realize that I'm maybe just holding my phone too much. You know how it is. It's just like an extra appendage. I just put it away. I just put it away so that it's not even on the table at all. And we have rules like that in our family where we don't have the phone at the table at all. It's like a big deal. We just don't have it. The phone is not very centered in our house and we literally work in digital marketing and we just always set those parameters so that our kids understand that. And then I also have my phone set to where it's not ringing all the time, so that I'm not and I don't get notifications. So it's really, it's shut down, and so it's not really as much of a distraction, and so we're always mindful of that.

Speaker 1: 12:32

Yeah, those are great tips. I switch to do the same thing, like turn off all notifications so that I'm the one checking on my own. Yeah, like my phone is beeping to me and telling me to come into it.

Speaker 2: 12:43

So yeah, we tell the kids that our phones are tools for us, they're not toys for us, and so they see us like we're not spitting a ton of time on our phone extra. So the way that I do that is I just make sure I don't have a bunch of apps and everything on my phone. I keep it really stripped down to where everything that I'm using is super helpful and it's necessary so that I'm able to do what I need to do. But that takes a lot of intentionality and mindfulness and just because of how much the phones have, they just add everything and it's so convenient and so helpful. It's really awesome. But I just have to constantly be like, oh, is this making me have to be on the phone more and how is that looking? And so it's just about being mindful and just understanding that the kids don't see it as, oh, I was spending this time working and this time was doing this. They don't see it. They just see phone time.

Speaker 1: 13:30

So, yeah. So that leads me into well, there's a couple of different directions. I mean, we've talked a little bit about like modeling, and that's one aspect of it is like modeling what you're intentionally used to upscreen and how you're balancing Like. I feel you too, like all my work is on a computer and on a phone. Yeah, we have athletes that are in online in an online program, exactly, yeah. And so how do we also be intentional with the content, with what our kids are consuming? Because I know that if we just leave it, my kids are just right on this brink of like well, they're not, they're a little bit removed from it, but I am very aware of like, okay, what are we going to be opening up for them? I just read the anxious generation. Oh, yeah. And so I'm like okay, we have like some boundaries around phone already for when they get to that age, but like, how do we make sure that our kids are consuming content that's going to actually help them? Any thoughts on that?

Speaker 2: 14:25

One thing is just to being aware that having the screens on all the time is something that is not really helpful and there are guidelines, so like, if you have a young child, they shouldn't be getting more than two hours. You know there's health guidelines for two hours and when you take them to the doctor they're going to ask about screen time and everything. So two hours a day of entertainment screens that is what is considered to be the most that a child should be getting. And young children like for what? For us, whenever we have babies, they don't. We don't let them just watch TV. We don't always turn them away, we don't let them sit and just face a TV, but whenever they're like two and three and things like that, they're able to watch cartoons or whatever that we know that are helpful for them. But we try to make sure that TV, and now phones or anything is not the centering thing in the house, and you can do that by making sure that they have other things to do. Of course, as a mom, you use the screen basically as a babysitter a lot of times, so it's easy to say, oh, don't let your kid watch TV or don't let your kid just sit on an iPad, but then you gotta have ways for them to be engaged so that you can still cook, so you can still get work done, things like that, so work done, things like that. So you have to be organized in how you set up the child's day and the activities they have and just know that that is going to be.

Speaker 2: 15:40

The struggle is, if you take away screens, then you need to have other activities, so find what else can you do.

Speaker 2: 15:46

So one thing we've done is we've set up a schedule to where they have all these different things they need to do in a day before they're even worrying about a screen, because we homeschool and we basically use books mostly, but we do also use online programs that are super helpful, like for math and a lot of different things that can be helpful, and so they're not able to just sit on the computer all day and use the screen.

Speaker 2: 16:09

So, basically, understanding that it's going to be a battle, because we're in a technology-driven society and you want to use the screens as a great tool and there is some entertainment, but you just don't want to let it overwhelm your household and you're just going to have to be vigilant about that every day and like if you have a sick day and that could be the time where you use to hey, this is when we're going to just binge watch some movies that we had stored up. But on the day to day, the first thing you should do in the morning it shouldn't be turn on the TV or turn on the iPad like find something else. And moms usually need support on what can they do to keep the kid occupied while they're trying to get something done without it being a screen. And that's the big hurdle right there.

Speaker 1: 16:51

Yeah, that is. And how about for our moms that are parents of moms and dads that are parents of the older athletes that maybe it's not like they need to? You know they're more self-sufficient, so we can get some things done. But how do you monitor what kids are consuming without being like overbearing?

Speaker 2: 17:08

Or is it like oh, this is an area where.

Speaker 1: 17:10

I should be overbearing.

Speaker 2: 17:12

For one, I don't know. We were talking. Parents are the ones who go and sign the contracts for all things that kids have, and so if you read the book, like the Anxious Generation, and you understand what's happening with screens in society and you understand that it is an actual health crisis, then if your kid had an allergy I know, I have friends that if their kid is allergic to something, we're changing birthday party menus, we're doing everything, and even, like if you have an athlete, you're optimizing nutrition, and so screens are a part of a health crisis that's happening. So, knowing that, do you give your kid an iPhone that's completely open, with no monitoring, no tracking, no filtering or anything? No, they're a child, and so under the age of 18, they're a child. They can't even sign a contract to get the contract for themselves, and so you need to be mindful of that and take every precaution that you can, because it's not just about you can't protect them from everything, but you can delay some things and you can limit exposure. So it's like if you have a chemical and you get exposed to it, well, if you got drenched in it, it's probably going to be really detrimental, but if you was able to do the best you can to limit it, like what we do is we talk with our kids, we let them understand. This is why we don't do this. This is why we do that. We're not a screen-free home, but we do very much monitor the screen management and it's working.

Speaker 2: 18:37

And our kids understand. They understand their brain health, they understand that we're trying to do the best for them and we're taking actions to help them. And so teenagers they have a lot of freedom. So it's really going to be about trusting that they're smart. Whenever I was 16 years old, I wanted to have a great life, and if your child is an athlete, they want to be successful and they understand that their mental game is important, and so do you do. They want just anything coming into their mind, anything coming in through their eyes, anything coming through their ears. So you have to talk with them. I mean, they're teenagers, they're not babies anymore and so them understanding that they need to take that responsibility and work with you, because you can't be with them all the time. I think that's been the most effective thing that I've seen is just teaching the child and letting them understand so they can take some personal responsibility.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Yeah, yeah, so good because, yeah, what they're consuming their environments like I mean even beyond athletics, like we talk about how we help athletes with their mental game for their performance and what they're consuming is so vital to that right Like what they're listening to and who they're surrounding themselves with.

Speaker 1: 19:40

But it's more than athletics. Like we, this is life. We like being intentional, like you said, with raising kids who are really smart decision makers, who are empathetic, like all of these values that you want as parents, and we have to be intentional. It's a little scary because if we're not like, then they're going to get formed by all the environment around them anyways. Yeah, I love what you said there. I would love I just because this is a hot topic. I don't know if it's a hot topic for just for me, I don't know. It's just seems like it's everywhere. But for parents, like, can you give some examples of how you're doing this? Like in your household? Or like with the moms and dads that you're working with? At what age do you sit down with your kid and say, like this is a phone, this is what it? Like I'm sure you've heard of it. Like here's a contract, do you give them an iPhone? Or do you just you know all of those things? I think it's just helpful to see from your perspective.

Speaker 2: 20:33

Yeah Well, whenever we had kids, we didn't realize this was going to be an issue. None of us, none of us did. We were, none of us were prepared for this, so I just didn't even think that we'd be having that conversation. But now, like you said, we have children ranging from 18 months to 12 years old, and so whenever my oldest son was about five, that's whenever I started hearing more, like whenever he was a baby it was you know, do you get the electronic toys, do you get these toys and things like that? And we were like, oh, let's delay that a little bit and everything. But it was whenever he was about five or six that I realized that the screen things were really a big issue and we really needed to be very intentional about it. Like before, I just thought I just didn't really understand that it was even going to be an issue, and so we became more intentional and so we actually don't have video games in our house and I always thought, you know, I grew up, I have three sons and I thought we would be the big video game house and just I like to have fun and everything. And we decided all the research that I found showed that having video games in the house was the thing that turned it into a problem. So not just playing the video games, but it becomes like everything is centered around the video games. And then now it's become phones. So it was like TV, then it was video games, then now it's like phones as well, with social media and just being on phones. And so at the time where he was about five or six years old, that's when I really started researching and that's whenever I started looking at organizations like ScreenStrong, where I could get more support, because I didn't know all the moms that I had around me everybody's struggling, like every single mom that I knew and know still are dealing with the same issues. And so in our house we decided that we're going to be a no video game home where we don't have video games in the house, but we're not like strict If we go over cousin's house or friend's house or whatever, or we go to like a main event, like a Dave and Buster's kind of place or something we will play, but having them in the home, on that issue, that is what turns you into basically a video game police, where you basically lose your kid and your kid is now basically doing chores, doing everything to try to get to the video game, and we had invested so much into our kids, like all the benefits, like our kids love to read, they love to play outside, they love to talk. We have a great relationship. All those benefits are the things you get when you take games away, and we were like we already have those, so we would be giving that up to go and have the problem. So we just kept going and our kids now understand that what we did made a difference and that's why we have such a strong family, that's why we have such good relationships and the siblings have great relationships and so. But it was definitely a conversation.

Speaker 2: 23:10

And so then, with the phone is well, when did the kids going to get a phone? And so what we have learned is that, basically, we're probably not going to give our son a phone until he's 15. And it won't be an iPhone, it won't be a smartphone with everything all open. It'll be one of the talk and text phones. And now he's 12. He reads all the time and he understands brain health and just the things that are happening with screens, and he's like he doesn't even want a smartphone because he wants to be successful in life and he's like, how am I going to manage that? So he wants a phone, but he understands that he doesn't want a phone with everything all open Phones.

Speaker 2: 23:44

As an athlete or any other activity that your children may be in nowadays, you do want ways to be able to communicate with your kids and or track where they're at if they're going out of town or things like that. So, and understanding what your family's needs are and adjusting to them makes all the difference. And we also model that. My husband and I. We both have iPhones, but my husband's phone is a dumb phone. He works in literally digital marketing and his phone is a dumb phone. He doesn't even use internet on his phone. He does everything through a laptop or a computer just to keep the mental focus, literally for just life focus, and to be able to say you work online and you don't even use the internet on your phone and travel and everything. It's. Our kids see it. So we try to model everything that we say. My kids see I'm not addicted to social media. My husband's not addicted to his phone, so they know that we put our money where our mouth is and so it's working for now.

Speaker 1: 24:37

Yeah, I know that's where my mind was going is like, how about these situations? I hear this a lot from parents that are like, well, like they're getting pressure from other peer groups and sometimes the communication on teams is through Snapchat and like myself, I'm like, okay, well, we got to like shut that down, you know, now they're out of the loop because they don't have it and so any, I don't know any perspective on that.

Speaker 2: 25:02

Well, yeah, well. So there's two different peer pressures One, and the peer pressure that people usually don't talk about is the parent peer pressure, and so it's really I don't want my kid to be the kid that's left out. I don't want my kid to be the uncool kid and everything. And so if a parent is like I want my kid to be successful. And again going back to the allergy, every kid is eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and my kid can't because he's allergic Nobody has a problem with that. But so whenever you look at all the data that's showing because years ago we didn't have data on the screens but now there's so much data on it If you read it, and then the reason why you're not doing different for your kid is because you don't want them to be left out and things like that it really comes down to the peer pressure that us parents are feeling. And that's really where it starts Because, like I said, a parent has to go and sign the contract, has to go and get by the phone, by the computer, by the video game, whatever it is, it's a parenting play. And so if you say my kid needs this accommodation or whatever, or just we're not going to participate in this or that. That's how things change.

Speaker 2: 26:06

Then you have kids are always every generation. Kids find a way to get on each other one way or the other. It doesn't matter if it's screens or whatever. They're always going to have peer pressure. But really the pressure is coming from parents. That's what we found, cause it's not our kids are like oh, don't listen. They're really obedient. We don't have really behavior problems or anything out of them. They understand they'll still ask for a phone. They'll still ask. They'll feel impressed. You know, push it. But then they're going to respect our parenting because they know we're serious. Kids always know if you're serious or if you're not, and they know if you're bluffing. They know if you're a hypocrite. It all comes down to that, and so that's why we focus so much on hey kids, look, you see mommy on the phone all day Nope. You see daddy on the phone Nope. This is what we're doing as a family, and then they see all the benefits and then they like it.

Speaker 1: 26:49

Yeah, that's key, so good, I mean I that is really interesting that I and I can totally see that as a parent like that, it's a parent like kind of feeling.

Speaker 2: 26:58

I don't want my kid to be the one that's left out it's the truth and I'm saying it because I had to learn it myself. I'm like is it? My kid wants a phone. And whenever I say a phone, it's not like how we thought when we were young. A phone, no, it's a, it's an iphone, it's a smartphone with all the things, because the phone you're supposed to make calls. But it's been shown that the number one thing, the least used item on the phone now, is making phone calls. They're using the phone for every other thing. It's not even to make phone calls. So when a kid says they want a phone, they don't want a phone to make phone calls, they want a phone to do all the other stuff. And so whenever they say they want that, and then you give it to them, they can't even get it without you. And so if you say I'm not going to do it, then that's what would make the difference and then all of us parents doing it. It's so much more popular now.

Speaker 2: 27:43

But whenever I was first taught, like whenever our kids were younger and when they were really little, and I was like I don't want all these electronic toys because I felt like it just didn't feel right. I didn't have any research, but I was like I don't know if I want them. Looking at all these for one, all these batteries and everything, then I was getting a lot of pushback and everything. And then, as they've gotten older, now there's all this research, but starting when they're babies and you started giving them all these electronic little fake iPads and fake this and that then it just teaches them to start wanting that at three, four, five, six. And then by the time you started doing research and you realized that, oh, those games you gave them when they were three were cute, but now at six they're becoming a problem. And then at eight, oh, it's something. But 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, all that potential that your kid had, all the hobbies they had, all the things they wanted to do.

Speaker 2: 28:32

These screens, it takes it over and people are always saying the same thing. They say I don't have my kid, I lost my kid, my kid is not my kid, they're all. They say those kinds of things because you had a kid that was into music or athletics or art and then now, by the time they're 15, they just want to be on their phone. That's literally what happens. There is, they become completely different people, but they're still there. But you have to remove that addiction to those screens, and every kid is pretty much getting. If they're not addicted to the screens, their friends are, and then they're feeling the problem of this society.

Speaker 1: 29:04

So yeah, I see it too, Like in, actually like in the schools too. Yeah, can you talk about that? Wrapping up with this question about potential, you mentioned, like I noticed, they had a spark, they had something they were interested in and that potential was there. And now maybe it's not, but can you talk about how to invest in that potential that parents are seeing in their kids, whether that be athletics or otherwise?

Speaker 2: 29:26

Yeah, well, for one, firstly acknowledging it and so saying, oh wow, you're really great at this. And then just taking that next step making sure they have the resources that they need, making sure to understand, like, if they're interested in athletics and they are in like you guys' program, a mom who is studying is looking at like how to be a mentally healthy mom with an athletic you know daughter, then that means she's going to be able to be a partner, she's going to be able to still be in the know. It's like you want to be knowledgeable about their interests. Like my son loves Legos or and he loves, you know, all kinds of history he can create all kinds of things. So, anything he does, I like to learn about it. I listen to him and then I like to make sure he has what he needs to be able to continue doing it and grow in it while he's interested in it.

Speaker 2: 30:12

And so if your child is interested in, like I said, gymnastics, then sign them up for the classes, make sure they get there, make sure they have what they need the outfits and they can compete, and whatever it is, it's just like any other relationship showing interest, investing in it, helping them have what they need and then not putting pressure on them enough.

Speaker 2: 30:32

That's a big thing too, is you want to make sure your child has the pressure to be diligent, because they're still learning they're children and they have to learn how to be focused and diligent and hardworking and all the things that athletics teach you. But then you don't want it to go to the side, where they feel like all you want them to do is perform, and so you want to be the parent that invest in them, but then you don't want to be the parent that it puts a wedge between them, because I know, like some athletic parents will have, like their dad was at every race, but they were yelling at them the whole time, they were upset if they didn't win and it became a bad thing. Their athletic career should be something that boosts their relationship and something they can continue having a relationship with for their whole life.

Speaker 1: 31:16

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we talk about that a lot, yeah, and it's hard. There's a lot of, you know, when we talk about, as parents, our own feelings, ego like trauma, like all the things. Sports's like it's you again. You could win the championships.

Speaker 2: 31:32

You're living through your kid and you have to remember that this may be a big part of their life now, and it may be a big part later, or it may not, and so you can't have all your hopes and dreams, and that's why your hopes and dreams wrapped up in their performance because it could have been something that they love to do that gets ruined just because you put so much emphasis on it, so much support, and then they think that's the only way that they're going to have a relationship with you is to perform, and then you hear about it 10 or 15 years later.

Speaker 2: 32:09

That's what I like to prevent is, you know, when they're 25 years old and they're saying it was really great when you were at basketball with me, but I felt like you only loved basketball and I did great at basketball because I wanted to be with you. So make sure that you're spending time with your child, the time that's not associated with the performance, and then also make sure that you're listening to them and listening meaning, if they say they want to quit, are they wanting to quit and you really understand that they want to quit and that it may be that time, or are they saying they want to quit and they really just need you to encourage them. They may just be tired or discouraged, and that's the moment where they need to keep going, and that's everybody wants to quit on some days, even though they're exhausted or something. So just you have to just listen to the kid and that's comes from relationship.

Speaker 1: 32:55

Yeah, yeah, so good, and that line is tough.

Speaker 2: 33:11

I get asked that a lot too. Like do I let her quit, do I not? Do I push her? And you hit the nail on the head when it's like you got see the benefits from it. And so nobody likes to be the new person and not be good. Anytime you go out and perform, you want to be the champion day one especially a child. They think they're a champion at everything, and so that's a huge thing.

Speaker 1: 33:31

For sure. Okay, well, this has been really insightful. Thank you so much, crystal, for everything you've shared. Can you please let us know where to find you? But also about the homeschool summit. Like, who specifically is this for? Obviously moms and dads at homeschool, but, you know, maybe it's open to. I'll let you explain. But I get to be a speaker at this summit, which I'm really excited about. But I'll let you talk about who that's for and what people can expect.

Speaker 2: 33:54

Well, it's a free homeschoolsummitcom and it's for anyone who's interested in homeschooling and is looking to get started, and also for anyone who's been homeschooling for, you know, five or six years and they are, you know, experienced, but they want to optimize their experience with their time, their energy, their resources. And then for people who've been homeschooling long-term and want to make sure that they finish well, and a lot of times that leads to career out in the marketplace or college, and so all the understanding where the child is going to go at the end of their homeschooling career after high school is a big deal, and so we cover a lot of that, and that's one reason why we're excited to have you guys, because you help with the mental and that performance and making sure that you finish well, and that's a lot of the mental game and planning, and so, yeah, we have everything lined up for each area of your journey in homeschooling.

Speaker 1: 34:43

Cool, that sounds awesome, so freehomeschoolingcom.

Speaker 2: 34:47

Freehomeschoolsummitcom.

Speaker 1: 34:49

Got it. Okay, we'll include that in the show notes. Yeah Well, thank you again. So much, crystal, for being here. I really appreciate your perspective and your insights. Thank you so much.